Saturday, March 28, 2009


Let's get one thing straight here: I'm a phenomenally lucky girl. So much so that my Denver buddies have accused me of (ahem) walking around with a "golden horseshoe" up my ass. Sounds painful, right?

While I agree that the Universe and I have always gotten along pretty well, it's starting to fuck with me in a way that is highly unsettling: It keeps taking my stuff.

Like a normal person, I lose something now and again but there's something else at work here. It's almost like I've got a kleptomaniac poltergeist stalking me in all areas of my life. It's just getting that spooky. A friend told me, "You're just concentrating on higher things" which is his nice way of saying, "You might just be a careless dumbass."

Keep in mind, I am going through some major transformations these days, becoming someone I don't entirely recognize but prefer to earlier versions of myself. So maybe it's a 'shedding the skin' type thing. I first noticed it in October and here's the rundown:

October: Lost three very sentimental rings - highly distrissing.
December: Lost cell phone night of birthday - not drunk enough to justify.
February: Lost wallet - upside is, hated my driver's license photo.
March: Lost sunglasses, along with backpack, somewhere in my 750 sq. ft. apartment.
Yesterday: Lost job - okay, technically, I still know where it is but still.
Today: Realize I've lost the 'Magic Necklace' - an antique which belonged to my mother and always elicited the most beautiful sentiments from men, women and children. This is gut wrenching.

Don't get me wrong, I'm open to lessons from the god/goddesses, spirits and whatnot but KNOCK IT OFF!!! Seriously, I don't own much in this earthly existence. Can ya'll go teach minimalism in the Hamptons or something?

For fuck's sake.

(Also, I've updated my other blog, Curious Hobo, with a new installment of my travel adventures.)


Fang Bastardson said...


Fang Bastardson said...

(Sorry, I thought this was the forum on this week's episode of "Lost.")

My bad.

Laurianna said...

When I have lost things in the past I have always said there is someone in another dimention or parallel universe fucking with me. Because 9 times out of 10 those things show up, exactly where I looked 100 times before!


Mark Dowdy said...

This villanelle seems apropos.

BTW: I'm on my third cell phone this year ...

One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Kath said...

OMG Heather!

Whoa! Are you ok? Mentally? Emotionally/ Will you be ok financially?

I am here in ANY way for you, just give me a buzz or email or anything.

I really don't know what to say.

(All this pertains to the job. The material stuff may be gone but you'll always have the memory of having owned/had it)



Susie said...

Hmmmmmm. I wonder if the necklace will resurface like your knife, the one that disappeared into Alice.

In any case - you are magic, not stuff - it'll turn up and by then you will have realized those things are lovely to have but only a means to channel your power.

Oh my God - I totally sound like I spent the weekend playing dungeons and dragons.

Fang Bastardson said...

Laurianna seems to think you have misplaced your job, as opposed to having been displaced from it. That may be because, to use newspaper jargon, you buried your lead.

In a couple of days it's going to come to her, and she'll wake up, screaming...

And did Mark just get all sensitive on your ass?

ClizBiz said...

Wow. I go skiing for one day and my comment stream goes crazy.

Fang: I've never had anyone do a "First!" on my blog, so thanks for the ego boost.

Fo: I think you are on to something here. My sunglasses popped up this morning. I'm hoping more things start to resurface.

Mark: This is beautiful. Truly. I especially love "accept the fluster." Thanks for the perspective adjustment.

Kath: I'll be fine for I am scrappy. Thanks for the support and friendship.

Susie: Yeah, we should get together for D&D sometime. Fair warning: My character name is Endora and she will eviscerate you.

Fang: I buried my lede on purpose - feeling crafty and not-so-shouty.

hotdrwife said...

In the famous words of my grandmother, who says this every time anything remotely interesting/distressing/upsetting/annoying/life-altering happens:

Well, shit.


So, like a good friend, I will be bugging you soon to come over and have dinner, supply you with mass quantities of the alcoholic kind, and celebrating your scrappy-horseshoedinbutt-self.

Love you madly, doll, and will most certainly have a room ready for you.

PS Fang's "first" comment made me laugh right out loud. And I'm not spellchecking this nonsense because I've already opened a great bottle of wine. So there.


ClizBiz said...

Hey, I might just take you up on that food/booze offer. Would even welcome a philosophical tango with HDH - I've got time on my hands now.

fyrchk said...

Well, everyone has pretty much said anything I was going to! But, I hope things start turning up.

I am also available for the drinking and such.

And, just a thought, maybe a couple of lunges will re-position that horeshoe and get it back in working order?

SR from SRT said...

And of course we are here for you to be used as a reference We will praise you to the hilt to anyone who will listen.

ClizBiz said...

Fyrchk: Actually, I'm thinking that maybe the job loss is actually the Golden Horseshoe in action and I just don't realize it yet.

SR: Oooooh! Thank you! I just may call on you for that.

hotdrwife said...

Sweets, my hubby would LOVE to have one of his curmudgeon-y conversations with you! In fact, I'll email you and see when you are free.