Tuesday, January 06, 2009

New Year, New Direction

Here's me, happier than a pig in mud at Black Canyon National Park. It was during my road trip with Gins last summer. (Yes, I am waaaay behind on sharing some kick-ass photos - it's on my list.) My favorite straw hat got munched up in the truck but that didn't stop me from wearing the sad thing ...

So, I sense big changes coming this year and I'd really like most of them to be my own doing. I have a terrible habit of not taking control of my own life, of just floating down the river, bouncing from bank to bank and leaving it up to the whims of the current. The scenery has been fabulous but I need to pick up an oar or something - a few areas are stagnating.

The night of my birthday, I lost my cell phone. Turns out, those suckers are pretty damn useful. I went to the Verizon store to get another one when a tall, gorgeous man approached me and said enthusiastically, "Hi!" At first, I thought my romantic luck might be changing but I quickly realized it was the same dude I had moved to Colorado for - MonkMan.

I had not seen him since that painful breakup in June 2006 - just eight short days after my arrival in Denver. We talked and yes, even hugged, and he apologized. (We'd already made peace through a brief email exchange in 2007.) He'd just graduated and gotten a job in Hawaii as a chaplain for a retirement community. (He even made the comment, "I've never been lonelier. I have all this great stuff going on and no one to share it with." I held my tongue.)

Weirder than me not recognizing him (he looked no different, except for a goatee) was how little I felt - nothing near hate or love. If anything, I felt closure and a small twinge of friendship but that's it. Case closed. Show over. I told a friend recently that I felt so disconnected from the entire relationship that it was like some movie I'd seen, not something that had actually happened to me.

Anyway, I'm glad we ran into each other. Strange that he lived and attended school a few blocks from me (as we had originally planned it) for three years and we'd only now crossed paths. While I don't blame the guy for my decision to move to Colorado, I simply would not be in the Centennial State if he had not popped up in my life. Once again, I was floating down the river and hit a rock - direction changed.

Still, I'm proud that I jumped heart-first and head-last into love. As luck would have it, it was a rare display of bravery in that department. Should I be so lucky to have another chance, I won't hold back. I just hope he lives closer.

5 comments:

Kath said...

I almost considered doing something today that would have gotten my ass fired.

A customer called in to cancel an appt and in the time we talked, I found he that what he does for a living is YOUR DREAM JOB...or close to your dream job. He LOVES his job. Rhymes with brains. Another clue? Toot toot.

I SO wanted to suggest you guys meet...but the love of my job- not to mention paying my mortage- made me hold my tongue.

But at least I was thinking of you!

xoxo

ClizBiz said...

Yes, I am ready to meet a train-loving guy who can whisk me away on the rails ...

Thanks for keeping me in mind!

hotdrwife said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I'm happy MonkMan talked you out here and I'm so glad to have met you. And, I like that there was closure of some sort with him. Because, I truly believe, that's a good sign for things to come ...

xo

ClizBiz said...

As long as one of us believes, it helps.

Anonymous said...

And as I have told you, I still believe my Dad had a hand in "the plan". It may have not been the plan you imagined, but it was the one meant for you...you just didn't know it. Monkman has apoligized to more than one ex in his life,...just glad he knows, and is sorry for the pain he caused you. I'd kick his ass if he felt no remorse.

FO