Thursday, August 30, 2007

Produce Extravaganza

Kath came over tonight to exchange a giant bag of apples - compliments of her neighbor - with a giant bag of tomatoes (and one pepper) from the ClizBiz Garden of Miracles. I tried to pawn off this giant freakish tomato but she was too scared.

So am I, quite frankly. Reminds of the first time I saw a ridiculously oversized man-rod:

"Uh, wow, that's great. Congratulations, seriously, but what exactly am I supposed to do with that? I mean, I'm happy to sit here and worship it, no problem. As far as it actually going into my mouth, I just don't see it happening."

I feel a tad like Dr. Frankenstein here. Perhaps my mulch doesn't know its own strength. Was it the hovering? The swearing? Perhaps my grunting, "Fuckers!" at the weeds accidentally transferred some powers into the the dirt, the worms and the roots. Oops. Just more evidence that I need to clean up my act.

This is one Tomato. ONE. There are about 10 coming right along behind, except they are BIGGER. Oh, Lord, help me! What have I done?!? Why was I so power hungry? They must be stopped! Why-o-why did I not have seven children so they could help me eat it?!? I'm always skipping the useful stuff in life.

Ah, geez. Might as well give it a shot ...


Anonymous said...

DUDE!!!! Do you know how much Pico de Gallo that can make! The guys at Casa de Sanchez would be proud......"Numero sixteeeenine". Maybe there is a shelter in the area that would woo your size and still not be afraid to eat it.

Can't say you do anything half-assed, that's for sure!


hotdrwife said...

Well then.

Why don't you get to growing some giant-ass cucumbers and send those bad boys my way, so I can .....

Sorry, what? overheated for a moment.

Howard said...

Oooo, I hope you get super powers from that mutant thingy you're eating!

ClizBiz said...

FO: I nearly choked on my sandwhich from laughter. Oh, how I miss the Casa S. runs.

HDH: Oh, I've already got the super-size man squashes. Battery life? We don't need no stinkin' batteries!!!

Howard: Me too! I guess we'll see tonight!

Kath said...

That thing was SCARY! Big time.

I say you bronze that bad boy.

susie said...


I would:

Make salsa

Make sauce

Chop that sucker up, put it in the freezer and then use it to make a Bloody Mary in the blender

Slice it up, get some Burrata and basil and make a salad with the best balsamic I could find.

And finally - I would make the most amazing fresh tomato soup.

God I wish I lived next door to you.

Anonymous said...

As far as awesome heirloom tomatoes goes, that one is actually pretty rad. you should be quite proud --- don't be put off by it's misshapen, odd bod.

rosie said...

That's one gnarly 'mater.

I'm lovin' your tomato bounty, btw. Thanks again :)

Kath said...

Had to share!

Sliced up two of your lovely tomatoes, sprinkled them with sea salt, topped them with sliced smoked gouda and broiled them.