Once again, I'm out of town and once again, I have mixed feelings about it. I've come to Santa Barbara to celebrate the 40th birthday of an old friend, Michelle, who is now even older.
It's always strange coming back to California, in one region or another. So many people, so much smog and yet, I feel a pang of sadness for the SoCal I used to love. It certainly isn't the place I left in 1997.
I was forced to work yesterday, not something I'm thrilled about. Good lord, this cannot be my life. I don't want this to be this corporate doofus that I've become. I'm not at a point where I'm ready to accept this adult albatross. It was just a few weeks ago, on a conference call, when I heard some biggity-wig utter the words: "Well, we'll just have all the worldwide operations go through Heather."
That woke me up. I thought to myself, "Holy shit, I hope there's another girl named Heather on this call." There wasn't.
So, I'm trying to juggle these new responsbilities while still live my usual carefree life. A part of me thinks that it is about time and that I've been putting this off for as long as I possibly can. The louder part of me refuses to play along. This inner argument is exhausting - see photo.