Wednesday, January 25, 2012

An Honest Post

Last Thursday, my friend, Kate, came over so I could share my teensy bit of tech knowledge with her. Counting Kate Armstrong as a friend isn't just like meeting somebody nice, it's like discovering plutonium. Very. Powerful. Stuff.

Kate is a force of nature and amidst all her declarations of power and intentions for 2012, she asked if I would like to join her "Dream Team."

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's people sharing their dreams and holding each other accountable for the tiny goals leading up to the realization of that dream," she explained, eyes wide with excitement.

"Um, okay." It seemed easier than signing up for Team in Training, that's for sure.

"So, in one week, what tiny thing are you going to accomplish toward your dream?"



"Well, I haven't written an honest blog post in months." 

"Do that then. You have one week."

So, here it is, on deadline eve. I've struggled with sharing in this space for a number of reasons. Mainly, because I've created this self-branding problem where I'm fairly visible on the web and yet, for all my self-promotion, my innards have suddenly turned shy and serious. Also, despite all the amazing things I experience, I have never felt more boring.

Truth is, change is afoot in 2012. Big stuff. Scary stuff. Changes that would be hard to explain without a blog, so I've vowed to come clean. My life is wonderful but it also includes pain. I tried getting pregnant last year and it didn't take so motherhood still eludes me.

To compound this ache, there are no animals in my charge. With the exception of Kirk's handsome cat, Boudreaux, and the neighbor's dog, Matisse, I am beast-less, which saddens me deeply. I am responsible for not a single being in this world, save myself. Freedom and loneliness - two sides of the same independent coin.

Perhaps this is my mid-life crisis?

Certainly, there is a predictable experience of asking myself, 'Just what have you accomplished? What good are you? Do you even have anything worthwhile to say?' For months, I have harbored serious doubts about the latter question.

So, this is the state of things. One of my part-time gigs has me reading others' blog posts day after day. Let me tell you, there's a lot of nonsensical rambling out there (similar to this post) but there's also a tremendous amount of well-written insight, brave admissions and hilarious storytelling.

And it's about time I rejoined the party.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.